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Sweet Nineteen
Posted:Nov 19, 2021 1:31 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2021 11:56 am

Well, yesterday I did something I haven't done in a long time. I actually met someone from AdultFriendFinder!! It's not that I don't like to meet people from this site but it's hard when you consider most people who message you gross, and deal with so many flakes. Anyway, he was this geeky . He was very quiet and shy too. I think he has the same personality as me. When we weren't having sex he just stared at me a lot. Maybe he was really attracted to me. I don't know why.

When I met him at my front door, I was pleasantly surprised by his looks. Of course, I thought he cute anyway but from his pictures, I had no idea he had such great hair and piercing blue eyes. I took him to my bedroom where we sat on my bed and I gave him sweet wine. He just kept saying, "So what do you wanna do?" I found this odd, I'm used to guys taking the lead. They will just start touching and kissing me. No questions. I decided to take over, so I wrapped my legs around him and started kissing him. The sex tuned out to be enjoyable but very short. lol I always feel like I'm not good enough if the guy doesn't cum. AT LEAST HE CAME!!

Like I said, before and after the sex he was staring at me a lot. I wonder why. A few minutes after we did it, he looked at his phone and said they texted him from work to come in. I didn't buy his story but whatever, if he didn't like me and wanted to leave, that's his choice. I took it as a really bad sign at the time, and later that night when I checked my emails on AdultFriendFinder, I noticed he deleted his account. Maybe he was so grossed out by our experience that he was completely turned off at using this site. I wonder what he didn't like about me. Well, I think I know why although I am embarrassed to share this. lol Oh well, he's nineteen anyway!!
He Was Out of Practice
Posted:Oct 28, 2021 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2022 6:19 pm

Well, I met another guy yesterday. He was total babe!! He must have been the goth guy of my dreams. Purple hair, ripped, and huge dick!! But it was shame what happened. I really wanted to have a good time with him. I wanted him spend the night with me too. But that didn't happen.

Anyway, we started talking on Bumble. I feel like we hit it off sort of. He was someone I had things in common with, a lot more than most guys. We liked the same kind of music and we were yapping about music the whole time. I became a bit disappointed when he revealed me he lives in Dallas and was in Houston visiting family. Anyway, we switched over to Snapchat where the conversation turned sexual. That was my doing. He said he didn't like to take pictures of himself, only to show the progress of his workouts. I told him to send me a pic and I REALLY liked what I saw. Oh baby!! Come to Mariam!! Then he said he was going take a shower and I asked him if he needed any help. I told him I was about to take a shower also. He said we could probably help each other out sometime. He asked if I wanted to get together before he goes back home to Dallas on Sunday. So we decided to meet that night.

I was standing outside my front door to meet him and when he walked up, I just thought wow wow wow, he is handsome!! Then we sat on my bed watching old Simpsons episodes, drinking sweet wine. He started to touch my legs telling me how smooth they were. I touched one of his hands and told him that I like hands, like the huge weirdo I am. Then he moved on to touch my tits and said, “Isn’t what you do with things you like? You touch them.” I got on top of him and he started to suck my tits. I did wish that he started with kissing me, before moving onto other foreplay. But why didn’t I kiss him first? I sucked him off for a bit and then he finally kissed me after that. But when it came to the actual s e x, it didn’t happen. He tried to stick it in me twice. He thought he was in me and was just going at !! I told him that he wasn’t inside me. Then he dropped me and started to put his shorts on and get his belongings. I was so surprised. I asked him, “Uhhh so is that it?” He replied, “Well, like I said, I’m out of practice. It’s been a long time for me. I’m gonna go outside for a smoke.” He must have been so embarrassed!! But maybe he was not very attracted to me either. At that moment, I don’t know why I didn’t take my dress off and start making out with him, or I could have pulled his shorts down and sucked him off more. Why didn’t I take over? I’m sure we would ended up having a great time if I did that!! I’m stupid!! Also, he should not felt so embarrassed. A lot of guys cannot get inside me at first, but they keep trying and they fuck me until I am screaming. This guy just gave up right away.

I ended up embarrassing myself and snapped him, if he would like to come over again. I don’t know why I asked him. I know it's a bad look for me!! I know things didn’t work out and I should not try to see him again, but what can I say? I’m a doofus and like to make a fool of myself. He did reply to me and said he had plans with friends. I think he really did have something planned with his friends but I also know, he didn’t want to see me again either. I don’t know. I guess I just found him very handsome and I am used having with normal guys and I just wanted someone different for a change. It's also weird how handsome he was, ripped, huge dick, but he claimed that he didn't get laid in a long time. I had to wonder how long, and what his problem was. That was interesting to me. LOL
Dumped Again
Posted:Sep 17, 2021 6:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2022 11:04 am

Well, that guy I have been seeing broke things off with through today. We had plans for my birthday, that he would take me out to dinner and I was gonna show him my favorite movie. I wanted this to be a special birthday. I've been single my whole life and I always wanted to spend my birthday with a guy I liked, but I see that's not happening. I wasn't that surprised. I sort of expected him to ruin my birthday, since all of my experiences with men have been negative. I would have been wildly impressed had he followed through with plans!! I still couldn't stop myself from crying. When I read his , he basically told me that we are not compatible and blah blah blah. I just responded him, that he was using for sex and I knew he didn't really like . Tall, handsome, blonde, and a jerk!! What a surprise!!

I have admit we started out the wrong anyway. SEX!! lol It was a very nice one night stand. He spent the night and I made him breakfast. But it should have stayed that way, as a true one night stand. We should have not seen each other after that. But I was couldn't help being infatuated with him. Over breakfast, he mentioned taking me on dates and this crap, that he actually wanted to see me again. Blah blah blah. Of course, I didn't take him seriously. In my mind, I rolled my eyes and thought, buddy, you want nothing to do with after this!! So a few days had past and I wasn't surprised that he didn't reach out to me or anything. I decided to him, and I don't normally guys first. He actually responded but his texts were slow and he didn't come across as very interested. I thought oh well, he's not into me . I tried and 's time to move on. But he did continue texting me more and more. Eventually he asked me to dinner. I thought was weird but of course, I gave him a chance. I started think he wants be friends with benefits. I didn't think he would want be my boyfriend. This was the real date we went on too. The other times we met, I went his place or he came to mine. But I felt close him and we talked on the phone a lot too. Just the way he looked at and kissed my forehead....I enjoyed . I'm not saying I trusted him, but made me feel good. When he fucked without a condom, it was the best. OMG It felt amazing!!! I am someone feels attached guys after sex. That's why I started feel infatuation with him.

It's o bad I enjoyed spending time with him, and the sex was great. He had a lot of nice qualities but early on, I could see he was a jerk. I should have just dropped him. Also, I felt like the whole experience with him felt like a roller coaster ride. I wanted him like me but I had serious doubts. I just felt nervous all the time, wondering if he liked me!! I do believe that if someone is giving you mixed signals, THEY ARE NOT IN YOU!! So I don't know why I gave him a chance. Anyway, he said a lot of things I didn't believe. Even if he wasn't being weird or a jerk, I couldn't trust him yet because we had known each other for less than two months. Also, 's impossible not forget all my bad experiences with men. So I felt this guy really had prove himself especially, since we had sex the first time we met. This guy would say things like he wants me meet his family, he wants go bowling with me, take me a shooting range, take me his best friend's wedding. "Oh we have a lot of plans," he said. Really? Is that why you canceled on my birthday and don't want see me anymore?!! LOL The weirdest thing was inviting me the wedding. After our second date, he texted me that he wants me come a wedding with him in November. It just made think, I guess he's asking in case he doesn't find anyone else better take with him. This guy really doesn't want be single in front of everyone. were other cute things he would tell me like "I'm glad you're in my life" and "I found the one I want be with." It was sweet hear but I didn't into . I think he was either just a plain liar or he was in a very fragile state in his life. he was lonely and the girls he really liked were ignoring him and he saw that I was a nice person and was paying attention him, even though I wasn't his type.

I could definitely tell I wasn't his type. We hooked up the first time we met, so he must have been really desperate have sex with anyone. He mentioned that he didn't have sex in a long time. I wonder how long. The first clue he gave was that he didn't like my style. "Oh you sure wear a lot of black," he said the first and second time we met. Yeah, I've been dressing like this for twenty years now. What's your point? Did you not see my pictures on that dating app where we met? That's what I really like!! lol Eventually, he told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but that I should wear colors. He told me this on the phone. I should have just hung up on him. Then I thought I'll give a try if I see he proves himself. During our last conversation on the phone, I asked him what his exes were like. The first thing he said was, "They were skinny." Out of things, WHY did he say that first? Thanks for being another asshole pretends like me and then calls me fat. I STARVED myself lose forty pounds this year. This is genetic for me and 's very hard for me keep weight off!! But thanks, asshole!! He was also grossed out by my allergies and snoring. I guess he is Mr. Perfect. This is really the nail in the coffin for me. I am right never trust men show romantic interest in me or anything. They are liars and not really attracted me. No man will ever love me.

So people might wonder why this guy would even bother with me if I wasn't his type. I think it's because I'm the one reached out him after we met. A few days had passed and I decided him. I don't think he would have talked me again if I didn't talk him. He also saw I was a nice person and interested in him when other girls ignored him. So he wanted give the ugly a chance. ALSO SEX!! lol

I think I'm gonna take another break from dating and all that. When I think of those dating apps with unwanted attention, gross men, extremely rude and disrespectful men, dishonesty, those stuck up bastards, sexual predators, flaky behavior, being ignored, ghosting, bad and embarrassing dates, not feeling attractive.......the list goes on and on. My heart can't take it anymore!!!!
More Than A One Night Stand?
Posted:Aug 22, 2021 8:40 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2022 8:44 am

I saw him again, the one I thought was a one night stand. I must say I was very surprised he asked me on a real date, or was more of a date than the first time we met!! LOL The first time, he came to my place to have sex and he spent the night too. Then I made him breakfast in the morning. After that he hardly texted me. I expected as much with a guy I didn't know very well and only had sex with. Then when he finally asked me out, two weeks had passed already. I mean, I was very happy he wanted to see me again but didn’t have high hopes with him, all things considered. I had to be cautious. I thought if anything, he probably just wants be fuck buddies.

Well, we met up for Mexican food and margaritas. It was a very nice dinner and easy conversation. He was a gentleman and so sweet. Uhhgg, he’s a cutie too. I already felt that way about him the first time we met too. When he was getting the check, I smiled and told him, “Wanna go to your car and make out now?” He was smiling too and said he wanted to watch a movie. He decided to take me to his place. Soon I found out that I had a very different sense of humor from him. When we stopped by the liquor store he was getting vodka. I joked and told him haha, you are Russian. He was annoyed. “I’m not Russian. I’m Polish. I’m proud of being Polish,” he said. Okay buddy, I am jooooking. Then later when we were in his car, he told me that he lives by himself but he used to have a roommate. I told him, “So you killed your roommate?” He got annoyed and said, “Should I date you?” I guess he didn’t like that joke either. LOL

When we arrived at his apartment, he made some drinks and we watched The Strangers on his couch. He seemed more interested in watching the movie. I think I wanted to have sex more than he did. Of course, we ended up making out, and slowly I took off my clothes one by one. Then we went to his bedroom. I should have just shut up during foreplay. He was touching my belly and told him don’t touch my fat rolls. I was joking again. Then as I was giving him a handjob, I said, “Now I’m touching your weiner.” LOL It was the wrong time to joke I guess. He was annoyed and said, “Mariam, I’m almost 30 years old. You are so immature. Blah blah blah blah. How can you be so sexy but you say things like that? Blah blah blah.” It made me feel embarrassed, so I turned away from him and faced the wall. We ended up having some serious discussion. He didn’t even give me a straight answer if we are buddies or what. It was probably too early to have that discussion but I wasn’t asking to be his girlfriend. After that we did have amazing sex although he didn’t cum. The first time we had sex, he didn’t cum either. He explained to me, that it’s a problem that he has. It is very difficult for him to orgasm during sex. It made me feel bad because most men I have sex with are quick to climax. They even say they have to stop themselves from cumming because I am so tight, and they want to keep having sex. I never cum either during sex but that is more normal for women. Anyway, we cuddled for a while and talked. He said he wanted me to spend the night. I didn’t want to leave him but I had stupid work early the next day.

We were about to leave so he could drive me home and then he asked if I could do him a favor and give him a blowjob. I pushed him onto the bed and took off his shorts. I gave him the sloppiest blow job ever. I think he liked it although he didn’t even cum. I like to give blowjobs but I’m not a machine. I cannot do it for a whole hour!! LOL He was so sweet when he dropped me off at my house. He asked if he could walk me to the door and I told him it’s okay. So he kissed me goodbye and he was giving me that look again. No guy has ever looked at me like that. Well, a few have but they were gross guys.

I don’t know what to make of this besides this is another massive fail for me. I just wasn’t expecting all of this. From the moment he started sending me silly messages on Hinge to us having sex the first time we met. I wasn’t expecting to like him so much and I wasn’t expecting see him again. I couldn’t help feeling smitten by him. He’s a babe and sweet guy. Just the way he calls me beautiful and sexy, and “my brunette” drives me crazy. Of course, he’s probably just saying that because I’m sleeping with him. I have a nice time with him too. But we are different and he does not like my sense of humor. He doesn’t a lot of attention to me when we aren’t together. He doesn’t me much and took him a while to ask me out. I wonder if he even wants to hang out for our birthdays. Our birthdays are the same in September. Girl, he’s just not that into you.

Lastly, I feel like this happens too often. I always fall for guys too soon, before there is any relationship. I like them too much and I sleep with them too soon. And of course, they don’t feel the same way about me. That’s why they disappear and they probably never liked me that much to begin with. Surely, I can’t keep doing this when I’m in my 50s. lol
High School Romance
Posted:Aug 16, 2021 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 6:56 pm

So I met someone from the past yesterday. Blast from the past!! lol I was surprised it was the cute punk guy with a mohawk from high school. He also reminded me of Bender in The Breakfast Club. Of course, he doesn't dress like that anymore. He's just a normal guy in his 30s who works an office job now. He messaged me on a dating app and we hit it off. He even asked me out right away. I thought it was kinda weird but I told him yes. I immediately thought he just wanted to hookup but I was whatever about it. At least he wants to feed me first!! The first day we were talking he said I looked so familiar and couldn't figure out where he saw me before then he said I went to the same high school he did. Everything clicked. I did remember him!! He admitted that he had a crush on me and every time he wanted to approach me, I would glare at him so he never talked to me. Sounds like something I would do!! LOL I wonder if he was bullshitting me, because he was definitely full of it, the more we talked.

We chatted for a couple of days. He was playing the "nice guy" as he texted me good morning everyday, and then texting me at night asking how my day was. He also talked to me on the phone. I liked his voice and he was nice to talk to apart from his bullshit. He was even talking about a second date and we should go on a weekend trip for our birthdays because we both have birthdays in September. Probably the worst thing he said is, "Why would I go through all this effort if I only wanted sex?" WTF?! I just thought, buddy I'm only two years younger than you. That kind of crap should only work on teenagers and girls in their 20s. If you are a grown woman, you should know this kind of guy is a liar and only wants sex. Why don't these guys admit they just wanna get laid? I wasn't sure whether to ignore him or just enjoy a lunch date and sex with him, and then move on with my life. Well, I'm writing this blog, so of course I ended up meeting him.

We met at a cute little Thai place for lunch. When he walked up, I could see the years had gotten to him. He was definitely hotter in high school, and he also looked a little different from the pictures he texted me. Those must have been a few years old. I still liked a lot of things about him and we had a nice date. The food was great and we had a nice conversation. It was a very pleasant afternoon. Then he drove me back to his place to play "video games." Well, we definitely didn't play any video games. We watched a crappy horror movie for a few minutes, and then he was quick to put his hands and lips on me. He made several attempts to win me over and then asked if I wanted to go to his room to make out. I told him he had to carry my fat ass there if he wanted to do that. I was impressed he actually did it and that I didn't kill him. lol We had foreplay for about an hour and a half. And I can't believe he was still saying, "I'm not trying to have sex with you," as he was taking off my underwear and fingering me! Incredible! He must have thought I was just some dumb bimbo with big tits!! But the sex was very nice though. He wasn't the most handsome guy but he sure had a huge dick!!! It was raining outside and we were right next to the window, so that made things even better. I must say it was a nice Sunday afternoon, much better than my normal Sundays at work.

Well, he drove me home that night. I think he might have been a secretly annoyed that he to drive back and forth across town for me. Of course, he was nice about it. I didn't think much of things that evening, just that I had another one night stand and we would both move on with our lives. I just relaxed and had a quiet night by myself before work today. But this morning, I started to like him the more I thought about it. Sheesh, I fall in love with too many guys I have sex with. Why would I like some stupid guy claiming he had romantic interest in me when clearly he didn't? Of course, he didn't text me at all today. I expected as much. But I started to think about stupid stuff like being his girlfriend who helps him clean his car and decorate his apartment. Maybe I could help him get a better haircut? lol God, I'm hopeless.
Maybe I Should Stop Doing This
Posted:Jul 30, 2021 7:31 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2021 3:41 pm

So I met a guy I liked again when I wasn't expecting it. Too bad I had sex with him right away and most likely we do not have any kind of future together. Well, he messaged me on Hinge and after only a few messages he asked meet me that night. I declined. Of course, I like to hook up but I like to talk to someone first and feel comfortable with them before doing that. Plus, I was sick of meeting guys and just wanted a night to myself. I didn't think he would continue pursuing but he messaged me the next day quoting Disney movies to seduce me. I guess it worked. lol And of course he asked to meet me again. So I talked to him on the phone and invited him over.

When I opened the door to him, he told me how beautiful I was. I don't take men's compliments seriously, but it still made me blush. I thought he was really cute too. We went to my room and had cheap red wine while watching The Simpsons. We were having a nice conversation but it wasn't long before we were all over each other. When I was laying on my stomach, he touched my butt, and lifted my dress. He was pleasantly surprised to see I wasn't wearing any panties. "Oh, you naughty girl!!" he said. Then we started to make out. It was not amazing sex but it was pretty nice. I am no sex critic either. Sex is like pizza to me. We had sex for a long time too and continued to have a good conversation. I felt I really connected with him. Who knows what he really thought of me. He probably found me to be a total weirdo.

He ended up spending the night. It was so nice to cuddle with him too. I love how warm he was and his body hair. I loved his touch. He was soo sweet and romantic too. He told me that he didn't have sex in a long time and he felt so lucky to be with me. He said he was fucking the hottest girl in Houston. LOL Ridiculous statement but nice to hear. Later he said that he was actually looking for a relationship but it’s okay that I wanted to hook up. I found this weird and asked him what gave him that impression. He said I seemed that way in my messages, that I was too flirty. Lol Whatever. I’m having a nice time with him. Oh well.

I made him breakfast in the morning before he headed off to work. He told me how beautiful I look in the morning. Very sweet but he is a liar. Over breakfast he said he wanted see again, that we could go do a museum, or go kayaking, etc. Of course, I smiled at him and said I would like it very much. But in my head I was thinking, yeah right, buddy. You’ll never text me again after this. He’s even more of a liar now. But he was so sweet the way he talked to me and continued to show affection after we had sex. I started to think Oh crap!! I like him!! I hate it when I like one night stands! When I decided to meet him, I was just thinking he is cute. There is nothing wrong if we have sex and don’t expect anything else from him. I should know by now that if I am attracted a guy and like his personality, I easily fall for him.

Well, it seems I am right that he was not really interested. It’s been two days and he didn’t text me. I don’t think he is a player and sees lots of women, I just feel like he just wasn’t into me. I took him to be the nerdy type, honestly. But I wonder why he made it seem that he wanted a real date. He already got what he wanted from me. Why lead me on? Maybe he didn't want to hurt my feelings. All he had to say was he had a nice time and thanks for making me breakfast. He doesn’t have to say he wants any future with me. Guys do this a lot to me and it drives me nuts!! Some people will tell me that I should text him first. He doesn’t have to text me first just because he is the man. I do not believe in this, personally. That’s cool if other women do this but I’m not comfortable with it. Although, I have caved in a few times and reached out to men when I should not have. I feel like if I have to be the one texting a guy first, it will go nowhere. They ignore you or they just reply to be polite, and they do not make any moves or effort. And that’s why they didn’t text you in the first place!!

I guess all I can say from this, is that true love is more work than that. It would have been too good to be true if things had worked out for us. Like come on, Mariam!! You’re not going to meet the love of your life by sleeping with a complete stranger from a dating app right away!! That is not real life! That is a movie!! It would be nice if it were like that but that will never happen for me.
Well, That Was Embarrassing
Posted:Jul 3, 2021 9:14 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2021 11:07 pm

So I just invited a guy over my place tonight and it as SO BAD!! I mean he wasn't a psychopath or anything. He was a nice guy but we were supposed to have sex and we didn't!! But seriously, I was basically catfished. And maybe he thought that same thing about me!! lol

Well, I met him on Hinge and talked to him for about a week I'd say, but he got right to the point in his first few messages. He wanted to hookup and I told him yes. I mean when I saw his pictures, I thought wow he's really cute. He sure looks like a jerk though so maybe he's good in bed. But then I thought he's only 22. He might have had sex loads of times but it also could have been only a few times. Who knows.

Today, when we met I knew right away, it wasn't going to be good. I saw him get out of his car and walk up to my front door and I was NOT attracted to him. I immediately thought this was going to be a challenge. This is not easy to have sex with someone you are not very attracted to, just met, and they are also not an expert. All those things are no good together!! lol I did have some apprehension of what he would be like of course. I always feel that way when I meet someone new.
But for some reason what I was thinking what if he was a completely different person. Well, he was the same guy as his pictures just less attractive. Those were damn good photos, I have to say!! lol It's like, I just have to ask myself, can't you tell those were his BEST pictures?!! They were not very natural looking photos, idiot. So he basically looked different from his pictures and had a different personality, than what I thought.

When it came down to the sex, like I said, it didn't happen and I was not attracted to him. But I still wanted to give him a chance and try since that's why I invited him over. I just couldn't get in the mood with him. His body hair, his teeth, and nose were a huge turn off. I couldn't get past it. I mean, this makes me feel very mean and shallow but that's the truth. It made me look like I was bad at sex. I'm not that bad!! I just need the right partner!! I think of the one night stand with the handsome Israeli and sex just felt so natural with him. I felt sexual chemistry with him. It wasn't perfect but we had something there. For all I know, he probably thought I was gross! lol This other guy I've been seeing is pretty good too.

The worst thing wasn't his looks or my lack of arousal. We probably could have had sex if he didn't have ED. Poor guy. He did explain it to me in person, and I could definitely see what he was talking about. He also revealed to me, that he only had sex twice. We must have tried like five times to get it in me. After giving up on that, I just decided to suck his dick. Besides the lack of chemistry in the bedroom, he was nice to talk to. We had good conversation. I don't know why I can't talk the same way to men I'm actually attracted to!! I did feel bad when he asked me if his dick was small. He was definitely on the smaller side. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I just said he was normal. But anyway, he was a cool guy and he texted me when he got home, that he was sorry for such a bad time. I told him not to worry and it takes two to make it happen.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS, MARIAM? Always ask to trade pictures with a potential meet up and talk to them on the phone!! At least do one of those!! That's how you avoid an awkward time!! Stupid. LOL Well, I'm meeting another guy next week, also in his early 20s. He snapped me some pictures so that's good. At least I know exactly what he looks like. Maybe I should also ask him how many times he's had sex. It wouldn't be a bad idea to ask!!
I Finally Learn
Posted:Jun 25, 2021 12:10 am
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2021 10:59 am

So I went a bad date yesterday. Boy, I didn't have one of those in a while. I sure miss them. lol Well, it wasn't exceedingly bad but I know he does not want see again. I would describe it as a typical bad date with a lot of awkward silences and no chemistry. I mean he was cute and and all that but not for me. It was sweet that he told me that I'm gorgeous and can't believe I'm 32. At least he wanted to meet me. Besides looks, too bad I am a big zero. lol

Anyway, we talked on Hinge and we decided meet for drinks. And I dunno, something about that bar that night made me feel uncomfortable. It was so crowded that I was sitting and he was standing. I was sitting behind this huge fat guy also. So it was a weird feeling be there. I think the date was ruined with the first five minutes. He must have found cold and boring. Since no booths were clearing , I told him I just wanted to go outside and walk somewhere. So we just went to another bar down the street. I don't know why this guy chose to sit at the bar instead of a table or booth. There were plenty available. Maybe he was uncomfortable me and didn't wanna sit face to face? And why didn't I tell him I wanted to sit at a table?

For about an hour we sat at the bar having an inconsistent and awkward conversation. It wasn't THAT bad but it wasn't good either. There were some laughs and lame jokes. But were many awkward long silences. LOL I just feel so disappointed in myself that I couldn't talk to him. I think I just panic when I sense anything is going wrong, which makes me more nervous and quiet. Like this guy was probably too "normal" for me but still could have had a good time with him. Like he told me was a manager at Target before. Why didn't I ask him about his funny work stories? I work in retail and can relate to that kind of thing. Why didn't I talk to him about this and that? I just felt so embarrassed. But even if I was holding a good conversation, a lot of good dates go nowhere anyway. Also, he might have been turning his nose at because I have not accomplished as much as him and he is younger than . So talking enough would be irrelevant. At the end of it he coldly said "until next time." I am used men who are not interested in me, giving me vague and generic good byes but why did he choose that one?

At least now I learn something. When I remember past dates I see the same problem. They ask me out because they are attracted me but things don't go nowhere because of my personality. At the end of the day, you're not going have a boyfriend because of your pretty face and big boobs. This is not going keep anyone's interest. I used think I had so much trouble in dating because of my looks, but I see that isn't true now.
Is he the one? lol
Posted:Jun 14, 2021 9:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2021 8:00 am

So I went on a couple of dates recently. This is my first time doing this in a while. In 2019, I went on two dates the whole year and 2020 I had one date before the pandemic started. In that time frame, they were all horrible dates. I really haven't been feeling it in the past couple of years. And I have a very volatile feeling towards dating in general. I think it's because of all the problems I have with myself. My PCOS is making me very self conscious. I do not know where this will take me.

Anyway, I met this guy at a bar in Montrose. I believe we originally matched on Tinder and he added me to . I'm not sure what happened but we didn't chat for a long time and of course, forgot about each other. One day, he messaged me again on and asked me who I was. I told him we might have met on a dating app. After figuring out who the other person was, we started chatting and chatting everyday. We couldn't meet right away because he has an on call job and our schedules didn't match up anyway. Well, yesterday was finally the big day. lol

When we planned our date, I was afraid he would not show up or flake out. I know he is very shy. I am too. I must say I was pleasantly surprised when I met him. I thought he would be more inhibited. He did admit that he had a few drinks at a different bar before meeting me, which had loosened him up. And I have to say, I really enjoyed the conversation with him. I found him sweet and funny. Although, I did think he was probably just saying anything to get in my pants, like how pretty and sexy I am....blah blah blah. Anything to flatter me. "Oh, I went out with this girl before who was so conceited, and not even as pretty as you. She was just a basic white girl." Okay, buddy. lol

After a few drinks, I started to feel funny. I am certainly a lightweight drinker. I found it easier to talk to him and I felt very giggly and flirty. My head was almost spinning. We scooted closer to each other in the booth. I told him, "I want you to kiss me," as if I am a stupid . lol He told me to take a sip of his drink then he would kiss me. And that's exactly what happened. Heehee. For a while we just sat and cuddled, not speaking much and making out now and again. He was a great kisser and I REALLY wanted to have sex with him. I would have fucked his brains out. But I didn't want to ruin a nice time. It was bad enough that we were French kissing. I did have soaking wet panties when I got home, because of how horny I was.

For me, it was a good date but I feel guilty about kissing him like that our first time meeting. I don't know if he likes me. I think he was maybe a nice guy because he didn't ask to get a room with me or to go back to my place. But it's pointless to analyze first dates. The only thing I can do now is see if he shows further interest. This is always fun!! LOL I just tell myself, Mariam you are not getting any younger, he's pretty cute, four years younger than you, no , never married, has a good job, smart, polite, and sweet. If he asks you out again, just say yes!!! And please Mariam, don't do anything stupid!!

I hate it when that happens
Posted:May 25, 2021 7:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 1:32 pm

So after three years of hating men and being terribly sick with PCOS, I'm starting feel better and regain my high sex drive. I really just want sleep with any cute guy who talks me, and yesterday it happened. We were chatting on Hinge for a bit and he asked if I wanted hang out. I hesitated at first but then I thought why not. He sounded nice enough on the phone. And how could I say no him? He was so yummy.

When I came his place, he was so handsome just like his pictures. I mean of course he's handsome. He's Israeli!! His amazing hair, blue eyes, and smile drive me crazy!! I couldn't keep my eyes off of him or my lips. lol We made out like crazy and he was amazing in bed!! I'd definitely let him have me every night. He was even the perfect size for me, not small and not too big. He was really sweet and nice talk to also. Of course, he seemed nice. He's probably a player. Anyway, as I was stroking his luscious hair after we had sex, he asked me if I’m Arab. I told him yes. Then he told me that he is Jewish and he didn’t want to tell me at first. It seemed like he felt bad about it. Like he did something wrong, like we were not supposed to get together. I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, I understood what he was saying but I don't care about this. So I just told him I already knew he was Jewish and didn’t care.

I just couldn't help but fall for him. Of course, I liked him. ANY would like him. I thought about him all night and all day. I was actually happy at work today!!! I know this isn't gonna go anywhere. I don't think he even wants to have sex with me again, even though I would want that very much. I'm afraid of what he really thought of me. Probably he thought I was a weird person and boring in bed. Maybe he wasn't really attracted to me and was desperate that night. I don't think I'm his type anyway. But hey he has something remember me by, because I forgot my panties!! I didn't even realize this until I got to my uber. LOL

In a way, 's better to have sex with people you aren't really into. After you have fun, you can just go your separate ways and think, "Glad I don't have to see that dumbass again!!" LOL You don't feel bad if the other person isn't into you. But when you become infatuated with a one night stand, it sucks!!!

Okay, just calm down Mariam. You're not really in love with him and you don't really know him. You are just super attracted to him and had nice sex. He just broke a dry spell of three years. That's all it is!!

Alas, there was some disappointment. When I left he gave me the vague and insincere, "I had a great time. We should get together again. Well, there's your uber." By the sound of his voice and choice of words, I KNEW he didn't want to see me again. No kiss goodbye and he wasn't calling me baby anymore. And thanks for walking me to my uber, you jerk!! It was nice that he for my uber ride home, but still he should have walked with me in the middle of the night. He did text me the next day but hardly said anything. Oh Noam, how could you ignore me like this? Like as I was leaving my house see him, I just though well, I guess I'm having a one night stand. I cannot expect anything else from this. But I couldn't help feeling upset with his behavior. be fair, I would have been surprised if he wasn't a jerk at all. I was just thinking, that he seems really nice and I wondered at what point he will be rude me. And of course, he ended up being a jerk, just like I predicted. I bet he is the type who likes fuck anyone not Jewish and only marry a perfect Jewish princess. Oh well, I'll be another hot guy's one night stand. I know there are plenty waiting for me in the future!! These guys would never date me ! lol

PS: I don't know what is with this site but I write everything correctly with no grammatical errors, as best as I can. However, this site deletes half of the words in my blogs a point where it doesn't make sense!! It is cutting out conjunctions like and and. I even edit it, and then it reverts back the same thing. It doesn't let you fix mistakes!!

Maybe I'm Retarded
Posted:May 21, 2021 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2021 1:33 pm

I know that is an illegal word these days but I don’t care. I still use it. But anyway.......

I remember being an innocent girl in high school who had never dated or kissed a guy. I didn’t even go prom. I would just wonder what guys thought of me or if anyone liked me. I didn’t know what think of men. I guess I just thought men were very shallow and only cared about looks and sex. I didn’t have much of an opinion back then. Well, what I thought was true but it’s much deeper and worse than that. Good god, if I knew about all my future disappointment.

Well, here I am 32 , with all my bad dating and hookup experiences behind . Probably the only good thing I can say about my 20s is how much I learned. For , there was no first love or exciting dating life. At least I had sex. At least I kissed guys. But did I have a normal dating and romantic life? Did I ever feel special or attractive? Not at all. There was only embarrassment, rejection, sexual harassment, and loneliness. My experiences really made me feel so small and I can’t believe all the morons I tolerated. I should have told them off and put them in their place a lot more than I did.

I still think back to the way I acted in certain situations and think, “What a DUMBASS!!! What was I thinking?!!” LOL One memory that always sticks out, is that one night stand I had when I was 27. Why did I act so stupid?!! Why did I psychotically obsess over someone who didn’t care about me? I don’t know. I guess I never had an experience with someone so handsome like that before. It’s not so much that I regret sleeping with that guy, it’s how I looked afterwards. I can’t believe I told him how I felt. That was extremely embarrassing!!! When I texted him a few times after we met, and the last time I talked to him, it was clear how much he didn’t care for me and how mean he was.

Time and again, I have encountered so many guys who wanted one thing from and were not honest about it. Why just last week, I talked to this Hinge guy on the phone. He asked when my last relationship was and how long. I hesitated to tell him at first and then I admitted I had none. He said he was very surprised because of how look in pictures and there must have been men after me. Yeah right. lol It’s like YOU don’t even want date me, because this guy never talked me again or asked me out!! LOL And I know he was just looking to hook up with me. Some people might say he wasn’t interested in me because I’m not experienced enough in relationships. I say it has more to do with sex and he had some other chicks lined up on Hinge. Whatever. Doesn’t impress me.

Now, I feel I am at a place where I don’t care what happens anymore. I feel very hurt from the past, but in a way it doesn’t matter what else comes in the future. Not that nothing will hurt my feelings anymore, but I feel so numb now. I think I should just try meeting different people and expect the worst, because I’ve seen it all before. The only thing that would surprise this point is falling in love. And I don’t think I am very picky because I have dealt with different types such as attractive, not attractive, similar to , or very different. None of it seemed to matter because they all ended up being the same guy, not for me. At least I can tell this to nasty people who say I try to date “ of my league.” Yeah right!!! Lol And I can’t help but feel bad how a lot of women just breathe and they are always dating or in relationships. They don’t have to worry about it. It’s just a given for them. It totally amazes me.

Probably the most important thing that I learned and will never forget in any relationship, is that you never really know anyone. Never trust anyone. I can’t believe I used to get excited just texting with someone or going on one date with them, feeling that I had a good impression of them. Like it’s good to feel that way but do you really know them? Nope. Maybe a guy is showing you he has perfect manners because he was well brought up. Or maybe he is a player. You don’t know. Hey, you could be married to someone for and find out they were hiding massive lies from you. It’s like that movie with James Spader, Dream Lover. Life is full of bad surprises.

EDIT: I know I said that I didn't regret that one night stand. Actually, I do because that guy was a massive liar. He might have been the biggest liar I ever encountered in my shitty dating life. Ridiculous guy. Like I can't believe guys go through all that effort to take you on a normal date and act like a nice guy, when they aren't. They are doing anything to get you to sleep with them. I feel so stupid I let him do that to me!! He did not deserve my treasures!! LOL
What a nice guy
Posted:Apr 4, 2016 10:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2021 5:46 pm

Sometimes I have conversations like this on dating apps and I don't know why I continue replying to people like this, as opposed to ignoring them. In this case, I really brought it on myself with the questions I asked him. But wow, this guy is just incredible. He seems to have no common sense in picking up women. I mean, I already know that a lot of guys see me this way. It's nothing new to me and I don't need to be reminded.

To be honest I wouldn't date this guy either. For one thing, I question his IQ level. Secondly, I don't know what we would have in common besides food and sex. But this still hurts my feelings, since no guys want to date me. It's not just guys like him.

But this is the conversation I had on POF today:

Colby_kusy 4/3/2016 10:48:15 PM
Hey looking for some fun are you fun?

xdrearydancerx 4/4/2016 2:13:32 PM
Sounds like you are looking for sex and if you are you should not put on your profile that you are looking for a relationship.

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 3:22:17 PM
I'm looking for both lol

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 3:24:38 PM
But I probably wouldn't be your bf if I'm being honest don't mind what I stick myself in but do mind who I'm gonna spend a relationship on

xdrearydancerx 4/4/2016 3:48:38 PM
Because I am different from you or I am low quality/embarrassing?

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 3:52:43 PM
I mean the goth stuff would make u kinda cool to fool around with. But all the goth stuff and ur bigger probably wouldn't date you

xdrearydancerx 4/4/2016 3:54:16 PM
Oh yes, of course because I'm fat. Thanks.

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 3:55:39 PM
Well yes you are is it wrong for me to want my gf or significant other to be thinner

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 4:03:57 PM
And it's not just the weights it's also all the goth stuff I don't always wear all black it would look weird when we are out

xdrearydancerx 4/4/2016 7:18:08 PM
It's actually very insulting to message women you don't find attractive because you think they are easy and they will take anything.

Colby_kusy 4 /4/2016 7:19:29 PM
I find you attractive enough to fool around just not be my gf

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 7:26:30 PM
And don't no why your complaining especially on your about me you say to message you even if it's to tell you how gross, fat, pathetic you are. Sorry I assumed you were desperate

xdrearydancerx 4/4/2016 10:51:21 PM
Wow, I am wildly impressed that you missed the obvious sarcasm in my profile. What I was trying to say is that some people message me not to hook up or anything but just to be mean to me. I was just pointing out that a lot of people online are very rude.

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 10:52:35 PM
Didn't read your profile just saw it at the bottom. And I'm sorry people treat you bad that sucks

Colby_kusy 4/4/2016 10:55:53 PM
And sorry if I hurt your feelings I was just trying to get some
Also, a couple of weeks ago, I chatted with some creepy guy one evening. I did not like his tone.....even if it is texting and I shouldn't be able to tell. I just found him very boring and unfriendly. I was very direct with him and I told him that I knew he was just looking for sex. He denied it. After that he told me he had a dry spell and that he hadn't had sex for a year. He sent me a nude photo and then he invited me over to his house and it was past 12 am. I told him maybe some other time if he asks me in advance. I received other texts from him later that week and he told me that he was free all weekend to fuck. I had just stopped texting him after the first day and ignored him.

Why didn't that guy just admit he was only looking for sex with me? I mean what the hell with the rest of the texts he sent. Of course that is all he wanted. Also, if you are telling a woman that you have a dry spell, it seems like you are desperate and think she is easy. This is a little insulting. This guy wasn't even nice to talk to. I know I'm not friendliest person but when I meet a new guy I like, whether it's to hookup or go on a date, I am very friendly and enthusiastic with them. He thinks I will want to have sex with him with the kind of approach he is making? What's so hard about saying, "I think you are sexy. We should get drinks sometime and have fun"? This guy is an idiot.

Of course, I'm not against casual sex. I've been on this site for years. But it kind of bothers me in a lot of ways. When people only want sex with you and never want to date you, it gets old after so many years.
I'm not Crazy
Posted:Mar 25, 2016 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2021 5:43 pm

So this will be my fourth blog discussing the same guy. I know it appears that I am psychotically obsessing over him and we only went on one date, but I just like to keep record of things. I often think of publishing a book about all my dating failures if I am still single by the time I’m 30. Read one of my blogs: He’s so Weird, Sex on the First Date, and No Second Date, if you want a better idea of things.

I guess I feel this way because I have never had a boyfriend before and this was the first time I had a date with a guy I was very attracted to and interested in. I have never felt at ease or had chemistry with a guy like that before. It was such a positive experience but afterwards I became very disappointed. When I was with him, I did think things were too good to be true and it is too soon to say anything where things are going. The way this guy acted and the texts he sent me before we met were just INCREDIBLE. He was the sweetest, cutest guy I ever met. I couldn’t picture him being a player because he didn’t have that arrogant douche personality. Then later I realized that because he is handsome and charming, he could still be a player. But I wouldn’t call him a player, it’s just that I’m sure he is casually dating a few people at the moment, which is not my business. There is nothing wrong with it and I don’t know him that well.

I was really taken by him. He was polite and seemed very caring and genuine. He mentioned twice that wanted to see me again, even suggesting things to do. After our date on Friday, he texts me on Saturday. So things seem promising and he probably wants to date me. But that is not what happens. After he acted this way, he just ignores me and doesn’t make any plans so that is what I mean when I describe him as incredible. I don’t think a guy would act that way just to be nice or make the best out of the date. I found that he came on very strong and he did it just to lead me on. He even called me babe and baby at the end of the date. Of course, I came on strong as well. I guess I was mirroring him.

Last week I asked him if he wanted to get together sometime. He was enthusiastic and told me yes. I told him we could meet on a Wednesday or Thursday. Then he just completely ignores me in the middle of the conversation and he didn’t text me later to make plans. I was expecting him to do that, so he really doesn’t like me. I wonder why he just doesn’t admit something like, “Well, I had a nice time with you but I don’t think we are right for each other.”

There are some things I noticed about this guy’s online activity and our texting. Some of it makes me think he really doesn’t like me, rather than he is too busy dating other women. First thing is that he is on Okcupid a lot but he doesn’t know I am viewing his profile because I clear my browsing history and then click on his profile. He changes his pictures every week. He did mention that it was the only social media he uses and he likes to change his location a lot because he travels a lot and likes to make friends in different cities. Another thing is that he would respond to my texts right away, and it seemed that he was always at home, not really doing anything. Once he was doing his laundry and another time on a Friday night, he said he was at home bored and doing nothing. The funniest thing he told me is that he is off work until mid April. Interesting, with all that time off and he didn’t want to make any plans to be with me.

To link to this blog (xdrearydancerx) use [blog xdrearydancerx] in your messages.

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