I hate profiles. I can say I'm the greatest guy in the world, but someone else might think I'm landfill fodder. Who is right? Both, depending on who you ask. Anyway...I'm looking for something between a one night stand and a divorce. I figure that way all the bases are covered. I'll leave out the possibility of a whirlwind romance that resembles a scene from that old movie The Bodyguard because...well look at this site and where we are. Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be caught dead on AFF here, so maybe just maybe there are better options if you're searching for the ONE. That's not being mean. It's being honest. People are showing their junk, banging like farm animals, and taking debauchery to new levels. Just sayin... So with my disclaimer out of the way, I'll just add that we should plow before I leave the state. If you like it great. If you don't, still great because you know you'll be rid of me. Also, believe it or not I do have substance...probably more than most of the lackeys and yes men you encounter. I have an opinion on just about everything, even if I really don't and have to steal yours and reflect it back to you using your words. I'll talk about anything....the circus freaks you see roaming the aisles of Wal Mart at two a.m. why boxers are superior to briefs, how to lie your way out of the doghouse when you get caught sending a text message to the wrong person...you name it. Or, if you prefer I just shut the hell up and go straight to the fucking...well that works too. I'm decent looking and in shape. Not Conan in shape but fit enough so you won't be compelled to wear a bag on your head to be seen with me. I don't have any warrants and lurking in the bushes peeping isn't really my style. I'm not needy and won't blow up your phone with endless text messages. I know how to take a hint. I'll text once, maybe twice, and then figure I'm just not your cup of hemlock. No hard feelings. So yeah....that's me..or a small slice of me anyway. The rest, you'll have to ask.

My Ideal Person Ideal person? There's no such thing. If there was we'd all be dating ourselves.

There's only more ideal as compared less. As far as standards go, all I ask is don't be insane. Sounds simple enough right? Twenty years ago you'd have been right, not anymore. I've encountered moonbats that prompted me to keep a baseball bat where I can get at it fast..and I don't even like baseball.

Your turn.